Anybody who follows my work on leadership knows that my “secret ingredients” for generating massive employee engagement are Growth, Recognition and Trust. What you might not realize is that this is really the secret to feeling “engaged” and connected in any relationship.
At work, your relationship with your manager is what drives most of your engagement. If she enables you to learn and grow, feel appreciated, and confident in the future, you feel engaged and connected at work. And this works in our personal lives, too.
Remember that intense magical feeling you had when you and your spouse (or significant other!) first started dating?
You were learning all about each other, your families, and experiencing new things on your frequents dates (restaurants, music, plays). This is called Growth.
Remember all the compliments you used to get and how attractive and desired you felt? This is Recognition.
Remember how you used to talk about your shared futures—what your wedding would be like, the house you’d buy, the kids you’d have? This is Trust and confidence in the future.
What happened to those times?
Life happened. Just as people become managers of tasks at work instead of leaders of people, at home we too easily become to-do list and calendar focused.
Tonight, as you spend some special time with your loved one, remember that “GReaT relationships, are built on Growth, Recognition and Trust.”
I encourage you to brainstorm something new to learn together (a foreign language, an instrument, or how to dance the Salsa). Shower each other with compliments and recommit to always looking out for the good in each other. Lastly, talk about your future. What crazy trip will you take when the kids go off to college? How will you celebrate when you finally pay off the mortgage? Where might you move when you decide to downsize? Even, where will you go on vacation next year?
It’s tough to nurture relationships on a daily basis; the job, the kids, the house all cry out for your attention. But tonight is a good time to reconnect with your loved one, and to both recommit to a relationship with an abundance of growth, recognition and trust.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Kevin Kruse is a NY Times bestselling author and keynote speaker. Get more success and tips from his newsletter at kevinkruse.com and check out keynote video clips. His new book, Employee Engagement 2.0, teaches managers how to turn apathetic groups into emotionally committed teams.